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The search for asphodelli
BY: Rikki
As I wondered through the sights I had seen, there was someone missing. Where had asphodelli gotten off to? I have found the answer, but the journey was half the battle.
That is asphodelli, after a rough night of reading Harry Potter and dreaming about Snape and Bill Weasley. This is the girl that I am searching for.
There is a lot more to her than that, but if she would just write her bio, every wonderful person who is reading this could learn more about her, but until then I must suffer through this most exciting venture. My first stop? Where else but Spain the land of real tacos.
As I walked down the crowded streets of Madrid I ran across this poster hanging outside a quaint little Spanish strip club. At first glance I was shocked at the similarites between asphodelli and this 'bullfighter' I had to investigat further.
I was acosted by a little man who promised me the time of my life, if I would just give him money, after a little encouragement from me, I was able to learn the where-abouts of the infamous, asphodelli. What follows is our actual conversation.
*hola!
*um, hola.
*te gusta me?
*no se. hablo ingles?
*si
*ok, good. I'm trying to find that bull fighter on the poster.
*You not want hot wild monkey love?
*um, I am looking for this bull fighter, if I give you money will you show me how to get in touch with her?
*Want to touch her? I am no her. I take money and I dance for you.
*No, no thats ok. I'm just looking for that bullfighter.
*No can help.
As you can see I was able to discover that you cannot speak to a Spanish jigalo and get a proper answer, but I was not concerned. I knew I could find her somewhere else. And Was I right? The eveidence is on the glove.
I had to take a break from the many spanish speaking people who seemed not to understand English!!!! Sorry, right now my head is swimming because I hear the pokemon theme song, and though I despise them and all of the astounding subplots to the show, I am forced to hear the themsong bounce through my brain, hindering me from actual thought. But I will try my hardest to continue, to quote a popular disco tune 'I will survive.'
As I was saying. That since no one around me spoke English, I had to entertain myself through some form, that did not depend on human speech. I was too poor to go to a symphony and I cannot dance, there was only one alternative left----Boxing!
Oh yes, this was the place! You cannot go back to the prehistoric times when humans figured out they could make fire and create impressioinists paintings with mammouth blood. So, what is the next logical thing to do until you put that time machine kit together? You go to a boxing match. One cannot comprehend the joy one feels when they cheer as someone else punches someone unconscience. It brings you back to your days in the public school cafeteria. You were the kid, who sat at the far end table making mashpotato and milk sculptuures, but you were close enough to the action to put down the last pickel spear and yell to the rest of the people 'look over there!' Oh how easy it was to pick sides, usually based on which kid you wanted to get on your good side before they wanted your last bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. But all-in-all the only difference from boxing and good ol' school fighting, was the out-fits. It was my astute obeservation to the particular clothing worn by these fighters that led me to my next clue. It was obvious that someone who knew asphodelli was in the boxing ring. It was upon closer look and pin-point accusition that I found a very important clue.
Oh yes, I had done it!!!!!!!!!!!! This was what I was searching for the clue, I mean THE clue that would give me what I wanted. For I knew now that if I could find out who DB was I would find asphodelli.
But, before that I was craving a snow cone, and if you are a fan of X-E you know what I am talking about, but I was being haunted even there. It seemed everwhere I looked I saw asphodelli's face. There I am eating a nice lime snow cone, trying my hardest not to drop too much on my shirt, I turn and look and there on top of Gay Pirate Dan's shoulders is none other than...........................
asphodelli!!!!!
I had been cursed. There was no way to procrastinate on this one, even if it was for cool lime goodness.I had to go back to work, but where was I to start? I knew Spain was a bust. No one spoke English and the only thing they had to offer was a plastic puffin that regergitated warm ice cream in your mouth (there will be more on that later, in fact you will be able to click here when the time comes but till then be patient with us please and leave this as an inside joke.) So, where was my next stop?????????
Well logically I had no choice but to go to Holland. And Holland I did.
Back to the land of my forefathers, back to the land of wooden shoes and well, chocolate, hey they have windmills too, and to tell you the truth, my forefathers are German, but anyways, tangents will get me no where.
I knew that the windmills were the best place to start. I mean there is no place else to go in Holland. What can be cooler than a bulding with a spinning thing attatched to it? There was no choice but to explore these wonders. To my suprise I was fortunate enough to speak to none other than David Bowie, who assured me that he was dressed the way he was for a 'new movie' he was doing. I had no quam to pick with him, I just wanted to know about asphodelli. The following is a short conversation that occurred between the two of us.
*So, David, have you seen asphodelli?
*I do not believe I have.
*Well, ok, do you know if she has been dabbeling in a bit of boxing or bullfighting?
*I do not believe so.
*Why are you wearing a dress again?
*For a new movie, a sort of a cross between the Labryith and The Sound of Music.
*I see. (I then look over at the windmill and discover a bit of writing on the wall.) What does that say?
*Nothing, it is someting that the pa were playing with, those silly trolls, which reminds me where is my new eyeliner, excuse me please. Oh Alexander, have you seen my new coat?
After closer inspection I discovered the same inscription that was on the boxing glove on the wall of the windmill. Now I was really getting somewhere. But, now knowing that David Bowie was not going to tell me anything, had put me down. I did not know where to turn.
I went to egypt, becuase I always wanted to go there. I mean it's not every day you get to see giant sand triangles and hey maybe I would find something interesting. And I did. As yo can see from the picture above I found them. And with my keen eye I was able to disern that something had happened between David Bowie and asphodelli. The first clue was the sky writing, so I assume that someone got married. The second clue is the wedding ring in which David Bowie is flashing on his finger. The third is another piece of grafettie, but this time it's on a sphnix. It had the same jumbled clue on it as did the boxing glove and the windmill. I now knew why asphodelli was hiding frrom me the whole time.
She was not going to ever write her bio!!!!!!!!!!! I should have known that after touring the world with David Bowie that no one in their right mind would give up the chance to stay with him and work on a web site, that is too ridiculous a thought. Well It serves us all well to know that next time we run into David Bowie ask him if he wants to get a snow cone, because if you don't you will be haunted by asphodelli's face where ever you go.
Please excue my spelling and gramaticals errors and even though by the time somone reads this there will still be mistakes, I will always have done it right in my heart. As for the characters in this, asphodelli is a real person, but as to the factual evidence about David Bowie, that is up for you to decide. Thanks and have a good day!