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The All Mighty Oracale Die
By: me-Rikki
Why is it that inspiration comes to us when we dont want it? My conclusion is that our brain is so busy thinking about anything other than what can be beneficial to us. I mean were you ever having a day when all you wanted was something good to come along and change your life? Your cat (Thom-for obvious reasons) got hit by a speeding SUV, leaving the smell of rubber gasoline, and decay, long enough on your freshly cut grass to cause a brush fire. Well, we cant have inspiration during those most opportune times because life never works out the way that it is planned. Inspiration comes when our minds are the farthest from it. This is my story of inspiration and fulfillment that made me discover that what I was searching for was right in front of me, lighting me in its direction.
I am sitting behind the register at my workplace. Boredom was setting in, because there are only so many times that you clean up the store while no one is inside shopping, and so I sit there waiting. I think about my life and everything that is going on, but then a great song comes on the radio and everything is lost and I boogie down in my little folding chair. It was then while I raised the roof, that I saw It. I mean the thing! The one and only LIGHT UP BOY DICE!!!!!!!!!!!
This would solve all my problems. I would now know what men in my life were really out there for me. I had to know and this thing was going to work better than any of my 8 balls did I could tell. I mean how many times do you come across a glitter filled die that can tell you the future I had to explore. And explore I did.
I started off with some pretty simple questions, well, kind of. I actually started off asking the die the meaning of life, but all it told me to do was page him, and I am still trying to figure out what him the great and powerful die is talking about. Is the awesome cube speaking of God? Or am I to page some one out there with the answer, but after throwing and cursing at the die for a good ten minutes I decided to ask simple questions that only a four inch piece of hard rubber could understand. So, what was my second question? That was simple, I had to ask the die about some guy, and well that seemed easy enough.
first person I picked was Max Collins the lead singer of Eve 6. The main reason I picked him was that I had a crush on the man until the last time I saw him in concert and decided that he acted too much like asphodelli to be someone that I would want to spend a lot of time with. I only need one asphodelli in my life not two. Well, what was my answer? I rolled the die and I discovered that I was suppose to ignore him. You do not know how happy I was to learn that he was not going to be a problem for me. I did not like meeting with him, he didnt even know what ooh baby pass the butter meant, I could never be with someone like that. Besides, I did not want to have some LA rock star boy friend that is just too boring for me. I needed to ask the die about someone else.
I wanted someone with power and someone with a good reputation that could help me get to the top but still love me. So, naturally I picked people in politics. Unfortunately every person I chose was not what the die wanted me to have. The die was not lighting up for anyone I chose, so I asked my boss to give it a toss and name someone. I should have known better. I mean I know she has been cutting back on my hours and all, but really, to pick who she did, I was a little upset, because the die lit up. Oh yes the die lit up, and who did it light up for? None other than the past president himself, thats right Bill Clinton. It did make since, I mean look what he did for Monica, but I was not really in the mood for cigars and blue dresses. None the less I followed the oracles advice and called him.
The following is a conversation I had with him moments after Hillary had stepped away from the podium, you see above and announced that she and Bill were getting a divorce for some reason or another. It was my time, the die had spoken I needed to call.
*Hello, Bill Clinton speaking.
*Hi there. I am Rikki and I am working on this web site thing and I need an article about the mighty oracle die. The mighty die told me I was to call you and you would give me the answer that I was looking for.
*Is the answer about sexual relations?
*Um, no, you are suppose to tell me something. So, go on, tell me something.
*Hillary is going to divorce me.
*Are you sure you want to do that? I think she is going places, and if you dont stick with her you will just be a past president who slept with an unattractive intern, think about it man.
*I see what you are saying, but does this mean I have to have sex with HER?
*Um, I dont know, I dont want to think about it, why dont you just um tell me what great and mighty inspiration you are suppose to give me so I can go. Youre kind of scaring me.
*I was having a look in a book and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knee!
*What? Um.Ok Im going to go now.
*B-----------------dial tone
It was not till I had hung the phone up that I realized what Bill was actually telling me. I now knew what my next question for the die was. The answer? Well I was told to call Brandon Boyd.
OK he is the one in the middle with that hair. Ignore the flash too please
Yeah the lead singer of Incubus, but it did not work out very well. I mean I had no idea why I needed to speak to him. He is a pretty cool guy and all, but what does he know about the future? At least an x president knows stuff about the people as a whole this guy didnt even know who I was. So I did call him, as the oracle told me to, but every time I was stuck on hold while the song yellow, by Coldplay sounded in my ear. This was not working or was it..
Maybe that was it!!! Coldplay knew what I needed, yes yes, the all mighty and all knowing oracle die would know what action that needed to take place between me and the band. Why yes they would know! They would have to know my destiny! I mean they know how to write good songs and they know how to get the crap played out of their songs, they would know the answer to my future. They had to. I was getting desperate. Well what was my answer? That was my answer.
Yup page him. So I did, and later me and the band played telephone tag till we finally reached each other on cell phones while I was stuck in the middle of race traffic. With about a half a million other people who were screaming to the top of their lungs because they had rubber, grease, and chicken bones in their ears, and the only logical reason to stopping the sudden cause of hearing loss was to yell as loudly as possible about the race results.
My answer, well , my answer was something I was not expecting. I mean I knew Coldplay knew a lot but to know me so well as to only have to say one word, before our connection was lost and that word to mean all as it did. So what was the word that changed my life and finally got me to ask the right question to the mighty flashing die?
RADIOHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And of course I did as was told by Coldplay. I rolled that dice with all the strength and vigor that was in my body. It told me what I needed to know.
As you can see by what the dice has laid out for me in the future. I will be a very happy person. As to what date this will all come to pass is not yet known but knowing is half the battle. At least that is what they say, but even when I put that die back on its self there was something missing, something that seemed unresolved. Then I looked above there almost glowing was something that I may have been searching for all along. This was the Holy Grail that I needed to know more about. This was the true and all mighty FUZZY boy die!!
And what did it tell me to do, absolutely nothing. I am happy to say that this blue fuzzy die thought it would be better if I not know my future and live my life without thinking about boys. I must agree to a point I mean I am not a fan of being a boy-crazy teeny-bopper and would I not be somewhat hypocritical to become an obsessed fan over a band that wants us to do the opposite? I do not want to be a mean fan. I will live my life without this all knowing die and hope for the best.
Ok here is the thing all of those people said nothing to me and I think that I have to put this disclaimer here so I dont get sued, but dont think I know any rock star good enough to call them. As for the part about the president believe what you want, but I think you can figure the truth from fiction.