homage to da perch pt2

eLSINOREtRAILERPARK

Birds that chirp and make me laugh,

or people at the Perch,

or Homage to the Perch part II

By: The only person who seems to write for this freaking site-Rikki!

ok I told you to go visit them but no you didn't listen, so you go now!

I felt there was only so much I can put into one article without pictures, so I decided to separate my critical praises for the Perch into parts to help those out who don’t like to look at a lot of words written in one place. Who am I kidding, I just felt like writing more about the place and since I have already posted the other article I am not going to go through all the work of adding this to it.

I thought it would be fun to talk about the characters of the Perch. When I speak of characters I am not talking about fictional people I am actually talking about those who work at the Perch. I am going to be as honest as possible so later on in life, when I’m stuck living in my parents basement and one of them gets famous I don’t get sued for libel. But I am somewhat of a writer, so please remember that I do have a tendency to flourish everything.

Now back to the subject at hand. The people at the Perch. They are friendly, funny, and sometimes drunk: making them people you want to hang around with. Each actor brings something to the skit, and so it makes it hard for me to write about them in a collective since. In fact, it’s too hard. So I have chosen to speak about them one at a time.

The comic/actor/writer/6’1 Ben Stiller look-a-like I am introducing you to, is Sean. He is a lot of people’s favourite actor. It has something to do with his witty song parodies and humorous sketch writing. Actually, a lot of those people at the Perch are drunk and all they care about is this one character Sean does called, Talking Baby/ the Critic. I personally never thought the talking baby thing was all that funny. I must admit the first time I saw a fake plastic baby throwing out obscenities worse than a drunken trucker, I was highly amused, but talking baby’s potential is being down trodden by the over excessive use of critical reviews. Plus it reminds me a lot of David Spade’s Hollywood minute from SNL. Put the baby on a game show, have him cuss out Alex Trebek, then have him make obscene phone calls to Miss Cleo, something---I don’t care, but please we have enough movie critics out in the world. And I personally believe that critical reviews are funnier on paper.

That is enough about that baby, we must move on to the other great and wonderful things that Sean has done. I was not kidding when I said he is a witty writer. In fact, he is my favourite writer there. He knows what is funny. Unfortunately a lot of people that go to the Perch have lost a lot of brain cells(from thinking too hard) and for some reason cannot always figure out the punch line, but Sean has learned to adapt. I peaked over my shoulder after a show once and saw him working through lines that just weren’t cutting it, changing words like abhor to, me no likey.

There are also things that Sean has been able to create that are without error. With a lot of poking, begging, and saying hi, I will now introduce you to two fine pieces of artwork. Drum roll please.

He’s Kind Of In Charge

By: Sean K.

(To Green Day’s "Time of Your Life")

He’s just a puppet-Who’s daughter’s been in jail.

He is a moron-And his dad got him in Yale.

That stupid jerk-Wears a smirk on his fat head.

He wouldn’t have won if not for his Brother Jeb

He’s a compassionate conservative

But only if your white

I hope that George W. Dies

He’s gonna drill for oil in a wildlife preserve

I hope a Bus heads his way and doesn’t swerve

He almost went to war with China over a plane

Met the Prime Minister and couldn’t remember his damn name

He’s a reformed alcoholic

Who snort coke and he lies

I hope that George W. dies

He gets his campaign funding from big tobacco and oil guys

I hope the George W. Dies

The only job he’s suited for-He asks, "You want that with fries?"

I hope that George W. Dies

Now considering that my family and most of the population of North Carolina is Republican I think that I am suppose to be offended. But I have immense apathy to politics and I love dark (if you call this dark) humour. I can do nothing but applaud.

Now onto the next song...

Down the tubes/Spunk Floyd Finale

By: Sean K.

(To the tune of Pink Floyd’s "Brain Damage")

Cast

spermy

Mangoo

Pearl Jam

VO (voice over)

VO: Meanwhile, somewhere in Jim’s balls....(spermy is crying. Pearl Jam and Mangoo enter.)

Pearl Jam: What’s the matter, spermy?

Spermy: Jim’s having sex! (continues weeping)

Mangoo: Spermy, this is what every sperm hopes for! The chance to make a baby! We’re very lucky.

Pearl Jam: Mangoo is right! You know how many sperm would kill to be in the position you’re in right now?

Spermy: I know, but I’ll never make it inside that egg! Look at me! I’m too small, my tail is too short, and to top it all off, I think dyslexia have may I!

Mangoo: Spermy, chances are, none of us will make it! Only the select few will eve see the inside of an egg.

Spermy: Even you, Mangoo?

Mangoo: Even me, Mangoo. Let me explain it to you this way....

(music starts)

All sperm have to fight the odds

Contraceptive aids, and uterus in good health

And that’s only if he doesn’t play with himself

No sperm want to leave the balls

No sperm wants to leave these balls

Cause most end up in kleenex thrown to the floor

But young man you’ve got a shot at something more

And if the condom breaks open and you enter some strange poon

And if there is no jellied spermicide

And if the egg rejects you like a syphilitic goon

I’ll see you on the dark side of the womb

All sperm have one simple wish

To enter life, in one quick swoosh

And then hope you don’t get douched

We don’t need a lot

We just need it hot

to remain a happy bunch of dick snot

And if she’s Catholic, God willing and no diaphragm can be found

And the vaginal walls look like fertile ground

And the group you’re in goes up the filopean tubes

Then I’ll see you on the dark side of the womb

You can’t make a baby if you can’t find the egg! If you can’t find the egg how can you make a baby?!!!!!

The fact that he used Pink Floyd’s "Brain Damage" made me overly excited. It took me by surprise, to the point where I could really care less about the lyrics, but actually I love those too. The fact they all dressed as sperm with white turtlenecks pulled over their heads, was enough to make everyone laugh. One of the funniest things in the skit was left out of the script, there was a stupid sperm that wore a helmet and kept running into things during the entire song. You had to laugh at some point. So let me see if I can tell you one more time---you HAD TO LAUGH, just believe me. Believe me, for the love of God, just believe me!!!!!!! (sorry, I just thought I needed to do something to this article, my writing is horrible-wow the descritption I use-I am a talented critical guru, aren't I?----ok I promise I'm done complaining now.......I think............yeah I'm done.)

Well folks, we have come to the conclusion of this article. I hope I wasn’t too windy for ya--who am I kidding? Who actually reads all the crap I type, besides me? If ya live in Charlotte or around Charlotte ya gotta go to the Perch. There isn’t anything better to do around here anyway.

*by the way, that isn't the Perrch logo that is my bird after he had a bath, and well the rest, i created, aren't I so special? But anyways What I'm saying is, don't go thinking that the Perch would have a logo as ugly as that one.

gets the monkey cheese here

go find out about da perch here (homage to the Perch part 1)


	eLSINOREtRAILERPARK Birds that chirp and make me laugh, or people at the Perch, or Homage to the Perch part II By: The only person who seems to write for this freaking site-Rikki! ok I told you to go visit them but no you didn't listen, so you go now! I felt there was only so much I can put into one article without pictures, so I decided to separate my critical praises for the Perch into parts to help those out who don’t like to look at a lot of words written in one place. Who am I kidding, I just felt like writing more about the place and since I have already posted the other article I am not going to go through all the work of adding this to it. I thought it would be fun to talk about the characters of the Perch. When I speak of characters I am not talking about fictional people I am actually talking about those who work at the Perch. I am going to be as honest as possible so later on in life, when I’m stuck living in my parents basement and one of them gets famous I don’t get sued for libel. But I am somewhat of a writer, so please remember that I do have a tendency to flourish everything. Now back to the subject at hand. The people at the Perch. They are friendly, funny, and sometimes drunk: making them people you want to hang around with. Each actor brings something to the skit, and so it makes it hard for me to write about them in a collective since. In fact, it’s too hard. So I have chosen to speak about them one at a time. The comic/actor/writer/6’1 Ben Stiller look-a-like I am introducing you to, is Sean. He is a lot of people’s favourite actor. It has something to do with his witty song parodies and humorous sketch writing. Actually, a lot of those people at the Perch are drunk and all they care about is this one character Sean does called, Talking Baby/ the Critic. I personally never thought the talking baby thing was all that funny. I must admit the first time I saw a fake plastic baby throwing out obscenities worse than a drunken trucker, I was highly amused, but talking baby’s potential is being down trodden by the over excessive use of critical reviews. Plus it reminds me a lot of David Spade’s Hollywood minute from SNL. Put the baby on a game show, have him cuss out Alex Trebek, then have him make obscene phone calls to Miss Cleo, something---I don’t care, but please we have enough movie critics out in the world. And I personally believe that critical reviews are funnier on paper. That is enough about that baby, we must move on to the other great and wonderful things that Sean has done. I was not kidding when I said he is a witty writer. In fact, he is my favourite writer there. He knows what is funny. Unfortunately a lot of people that go to the Perch have lost a lot of brain cells(from thinking too hard) and for some reason cannot always figure out the punch line, but Sean has learned to adapt. I peaked over my shoulder after a show once and saw him working through lines that just weren’t cutting it, changing words like abhor to, me no likey. There are also things that Sean has been able to create that are without error. With a lot of poking, begging, and saying hi, I will now introduce you to two fine pieces of artwork. Drum roll please. He’s Kind Of In Charge By: Sean K. (To Green Day’s "Time of Your Life") He’s just a puppet-Who’s daughter’s been in jail. He is a moron-And his dad got him in Yale. That stupid jerk-Wears a smirk on his fat head. He wouldn’t have won if not for his Brother Jeb He’s a compassionate conservative But only if your white I hope that George W. Dies He’s gonna drill for oil in a wildlife preserve I hope a Bus heads his way and doesn’t swerve He almost went to war with China over a plane Met the Prime Minister and couldn’t remember his damn name He’s a reformed alcoholic Who snort coke and he lies I hope that George W. dies He gets his campaign funding from big tobacco and oil guys I hope the George W. Dies The only job he’s suited for-He asks, "You want that with fries?" I hope that George W. Dies Now considering that my family and most of the population of North Carolina is Republican I think that I am suppose to be offended. But I have immense apathy to politics and I love dark (if you call this dark) humour. I can do nothing but applaud. Now onto the next song... Down the tubes/Spunk Floyd Finale By: Sean K. (To the tune of Pink Floyd’s "Brain Damage") Cast spermy Mangoo Pearl Jam VO (voice over) VO: Meanwhile, somewhere in Jim’s balls....(spermy is crying. Pearl Jam and Mangoo enter.) Pearl Jam: What’s the matter, spermy? Spermy: Jim’s having sex! (continues weeping) Mangoo: Spermy, this is what every sperm hopes for! The chance to make a baby! We’re very lucky. Pearl Jam: Mangoo is right! You know how many sperm would kill to be in the position you’re in right now? Spermy: I know, but I’ll never make it inside that egg! Look at me! I’m too small, my tail is too short, and to top it all off, I think dyslexia have may I! Mangoo: Spermy, chances are, none of us will make it! Only the select few will eve see the inside of an egg. Spermy: Even you, Mangoo? Mangoo: Even me, Mangoo. Let me explain it to you this way.... (music starts) All sperm have to fight the odds All sperm have to fight the odds Contraceptive aids, and uterus in good health And that’s only if he doesn’t play with himself No sperm want to leave the balls No sperm wants to leave these balls Cause most end up in kleenex thrown to the floor But young man you’ve got a shot at something more And if the condom breaks open and you enter some strange poon And if there is no jellied spermicide And if the egg rejects you like a syphilitic goon I’ll see you on the dark side of the womb All sperm have one simple wish All sperm have one simple wish To enter life, in one quick swoosh And then hope you don’t get douched We don’t need a lot We just need it hot to remain a happy bunch of dick snot And if she’s Catholic, God willing and no diaphragm can be found And the vaginal walls look like fertile ground And the group you’re in goes up the filopean tubes Then I’ll see you on the dark side of the womb You can’t make a baby if you can’t find the egg! If you can’t find the egg how can you make a baby?!!!!! The fact that he used Pink Floyd’s "Brain Damage" made me overly excited. It took me by surprise, to the point where I could really care less about the lyrics, but actually I love those too. The fact they all dressed as sperm with white turtlenecks pulled over their heads, was enough to make everyone laugh. One of the funniest things in the skit was left out of the script, there was a stupid sperm that wore a helmet and kept running into things during the entire song. You had to laugh at some point. So let me see if I can tell you one more time---you HAD TO LAUGH, just believe me. Believe me, for the love of God, just believe me!!!!!!! (sorry, I just thought I needed to do something to this article, my writing is horrible-wow the descritption I use-I am a talented critical guru, aren't I?----ok I promise I'm done complaining now.......I think............yeah I'm done.) Well folks, we have come to the conclusion of this article. I hope I wasn’t too windy for ya--who am I kidding? Who actually reads all the crap I type, besides me? If ya live in Charlotte or around Charlotte ya gotta go to the Perch. There isn’t anything better to do around here anyway. *by the way, that isn't the Perrch logo that is my bird after he had a bath, and well the rest, i created, aren't I so special? But anyways What I'm saying is, don't go thinking that the Perch would have a logo as ugly as that one. gets the monkey cheese here go find out about da perch here (homage to the Perch part 1)